Give and Take
by princ3ssf33t
Summary: Kanan had the unique ability to decipher Hera's moods. But for the longest time now, he was unable to figure out what was bothering her and he had had enough. He was going to figure out what was wrong, no matter what he may find.


Kanan knew when something was bothering Hera. He always did. He had been by her side longer than he'd been by anyone else's, save for those whom he lived with at the Temple. He knew her tells, the way her shoulders tensed and her lekku moved much too stiffly to be natural. And while he couldn't see her symptoms anymore, he could still hear how clipped her voice was. Even with the limited time they were able to spend together, away from the pressures of the Rebellion.

The only problem was sitting down to discuss it with Hera. Every time he approached her to find out what the problem was, and what he could do to help her relax, something came up. A soldier would come running up with an urgent message that she was needed in the briefing room, there would be a mission she needed to lead, a _pilot_ needed her help.

It was infuriating enough when he didn't have the ever-present feeling that something was bothering the woman he loved, but now it was nearly unbearable.

Everything came to a head when he overheard her snap at one of the new pilots under her command. He had been meditating, attempting to figure out a way to approach Hera to confront her about what was bothering her. Kanan knew that it was more than stress caused by fighting the Empire, but was unsure of how to broach the subject. Until she scolded the new recruit for a mistake anyone could have made.

Sensing that this was his moment, Kanan stood and made his way over to Hera and her trainees, hand outstretched to ward off any barriers in front of him. It was largely for the rest of the base. With the Force enhancing his natural abilities and giving him extra perception to "see," a hand in front of him was unneeded.

The tension he felt coming from the pilots eased a bit as they saw his approach. He may not have worked with these young pilots, or much with the rest of the Rebellion outside of his crew, but Kanan was unmistakable. How many blind guys walked around Yavin IV with a lightsaber attached to their hip?

"Hera?" He followed where the Force lead him and rested a hand on her shoulder. Kanan could feel the tension in her shoulders and her lekku as they brushed against his hand. "Can we have a moment?"

She hummed her agreement and dismissed the pilots. Kanan heard them make their way back into the base, whispering amongst themselves. Some were wondering what he was going to talk to Hera about, others were discussing what food being served in the mess hall. Hera stayed where she stood until Kanan's hand slid across her back to her other shoulder and directed her away from the open field.

As they walked, Kanan noticed a few things almost simultaneously. One was her lekku hung heavily upon his arm and her back. Another was her arms had wrapped around herself as she did when she was worried, her elbow jabbed into his lower ribs every time she strayed too close. The last thing was her aura with the Force; while Hera's usual aura with the Force flowed freely and radiated positive energy, now it was sluggish and dull, always a sign of distress.

Kanan was going to lead Hera to a secluded spot near the edge of the jungle, when her hand gripped his shirt and they stopped in their path.

"No, love. The _Ghost_."

Kanan nodded and they walked to the _Ghost_. It would be quiet at this time of day. Zeb would be manning his post as a security officer, and Ezra and Sabine most likely eating in the mess hall or running training exercises. Chopper could be anywhere at this point, and Kanan didn't really care. As long as the trouble he was getting into wasn't cataclysmic, they would all be fine.

Once in the belly of the _Ghost_ , Hera took charge, leading him through the halls into the common room. As much as she was a part of the Rebellion, and how much she lived for it, the _Ghost_ was her domain. It was her refuge, a place she had complete control over.

This only increased Kanan's worry. What had her reeling so much that she needed to be in an environment where she was the complete master?

Kanan sat near the dejarik table and turned his head towards where he left Hera standing. He could visualize her perfectly in his mind, no need for the Force to assist him.

Her arms would be crossed in front of her with her hands clutching the opposite arm. Her head would be slightly bowed, but she wouldn't break eye contact with who she was speaking too. She would also be biting the inside of her lip as she tried to find the words she wanted to use.

Kanan took his mask off and spoke first.

"Hera, I understand there are a lot of things you can't share with me, and if you can't share, I'll understand that too, but I need to ask. What's wrong? What's got you so off-course for the past couple weeks? It's not like you, and frankly, I'm worried."

"I know, Kanan. I know. And I'm sorry to have worried you. I thought I could handle it."

Kanan frowned at her evasion. That was just like her. Focusing on everyone around her rather than herself. It frustrated him to no end sometimes, wishing that for a moment she could put her own needs first. But that was what made her a true Rebel. And that was a part of the reason he fell for her in the first place.

He reached out and grabbed her hand. With one smooth motion, he slid to make room for her as he tugged her down to sit next to him and wrapped his arms around her. Hera went willingly, leaning into his embrace after a moment.

"What is it Hera? What's got you so frightened? I'm right here, you can tell me. Please." If he was pleading with her at this point, Kanan didn't care. He wasn't sure how long he would be able to continue to watch her destroy herself.

Hera turned her head, so it was tucked between his shoulder and neck. Her hand reached out and grabbed his shirt. He could feel the tremble in her small frame, and he clung to her tighter than before. Her lips whispered words he couldn't hear into the skin of his neck.

"Hera?"

She pressed tighter against him before pulling back. Her hand still gripped his shirt, like it was her only lifeline. Her breathing stuttered as she attempted to regain her composure. Kanan could only imagine that there were tears in her eyes. When he lifted his hand to rest on her face, he wasn't really surprised to find that her cheeks were wet.

Hera's hand, the one that wasn't clinging to his shirt, covered his. She clung to his hand similarly to his shirt. Absentmindedly, her thumb began to stroke along his knuckles in long smooth strokes.

She wasn't wearing her gloves.

Kanan wanted to ask again. But he knew Hera would tell him without prompting. He could feel it.

"Kanan," she paused for a breath before she continued. "Kanan, I'm pregnant."

If he was honest, he was less surprised when the Sith Lord arrived on Lothal.

He understood that it was possible for humans and twi'leks to reproduce. There had always been whispers about bastard children as he navigated his way through the seedy underground during his wayward years. He hadn't paid much attention to them at the time. Even when Rex joined their fight and told him the same he didn't put much thought to it. Hybrid children were so rare, Kanan never thought something like that could happen to him.

Kanan had never been lucky.

Unable to help himself, he closed his useless eyes and reached out with the Force. He pushed past the swirling anxiety that was Hera's aura searching for something, anything. He didn't know what. How was he supposed to know?

But there.

Right _there_.

The tiniest glimmer of something. Not distinct enough to be fully separated from Hera's aura, but something new. Something warm and light.

His eyes snapped back open and he stared widely at where he knew Hera's face would be. How could he have let this happen? With everything that was happening around them, how could he have done this? Hera was a _general_ now. The Rebellion was in her blood. He couldn't imagine her stepping down, or even aside, to carry a child to full term.

Just like that, Kanan's blood ran cold. Hera was dedicated to the Rebellion, heart and soul. Somehow, she had made room for Kanan inside her heart, and then Zeb, Sabine, and Ezra when they came along. But they were growing up and fighting their own battles now and she was once again living for the Rebellion. How would she be able to set that all aside?

"—Kanan? Kanan! Come back to me love."

Her hands had left where they had clung to him and rested on either side of his face. Her gloves were gone and her calluses could barely be felt through his beard. He blinked needlessly.

"Kanan?"

"Are you sure?" The question was pointless. They both knew it. Hera answered anyway.

"Positive. The medical droids confirmed it for me a week or so ago. But I had my suspicions a while before that."

"A while?" Kanan's voice cracked, and he cursed himself for not noticing much earlier.

"A month or so. Kanan, I just didn't know how to tell you. I'm sorry."

Her voice trembled as she apologized. Kanan pressed his lips together and pulled her tighter against him. He murmured into her pilot's cap that there was nothing for her to apologize for. She had done nothing wrong. His hands rubbed her back and pressed a kiss against the crown of her cap.

How could he have missed it? Over a month with her carrying his child, and he didn't detect a single thing. He could imagine his masters at the Temple shaking their heads for being so inattentive to the Force around him.

Kanan thought back over the previous month. There had been so many separate missions Hera lead away from him, and so much time given to the council that never seemed to agree. If there was any time he spent with Hera, it had always been around other people, or late at night when they were too tired to do much other than sleep next to each other. Perhaps he shouldn't be surprised that he had missed something. Jedi weren't perfect beings either, no matter how hard they had tried to be in the past.

"What are you going to do?" He whispered into the crown of her head.

Hera's head leaned back until it rested on his shoulder. Her lekku shifted until they dropped down Kanan's back.

"I don't know yet. The Rebellion needs me, but this child"—she grabs his hand and rests it over her stomach; it's already beginning to form the small tell-tale bump underneath her heavy wardrobe— "this child is ours. Our fight is for children like them, where they can live free from tyranny. And we're closer now than we've ever been."

Kanan rested his head against Hera's. His hand unconsciously rubbed her belly, feeling the foreign curve that sprouted without his knowing. _There_. Just there, was something he helped create through his love for the woman in his arms.

Never had he thought he would be presented with this opportunity. Not when he was a padawan at the Temple, brimming with questions and dreams of glory. Not when he was on his own, scraping together anything he could to stay alive. Not when he committed to Hera's cause, not when he took Ezra on as an apprentice.

But there was something else fluttering up deep inside. It wasn't apprehension or concern. Nor worry or fear. It was lighter. It felt like, dare he say it? —like excitement? Happiness?

He tempered it quickly. Hera still had decided yet.

"I understand. And whatever you decide, I will be right there beside you. You know that. You aren't in this alone. I promised."

Hera shifted in his arms. Kanan looked down sightlessly at her. He offered a smile. He felt Hera sit up, her body weight moving away from his shoulder. He blinked wondering what she was doing. Her gloveless hand rested on the back of his neck, underneath his tied hair and pulled him closer to her.

When Hera kissed him, he understood. This was her thank you. This was her grief ebbing and relief spreading. Her aura lost much of the sluggishness, and the lightness shined brighter.

There was still time to figure out what they were going to do. They would figure it out.

Hera pulled back and rested her forehead against his. Kanan wished he could see her face again. He couldn't say the number of times that thought crossed his brain, he had lost count months ago. Was she smiling now? Was she at peace? He hoped so.

"I'm going to hold you to that promise then. Even if you were half out of your mind when you made it."

Kanan could hear the smile in her voice. His responded with one of his own.

They would figure it out. Together.

* * *

 **A/N: I figured this would be a good place to end for now. Perhaps someday I'll come back to this, but until then, leave a review, please?**


End file.
